NeuroRomancer: 2021

T-ainm an omen: Omen an t-ainm: Would Any Other Name Smell As Sweet?

“... [before] I’m accused of a complicated plot that I’m not mentally capable of thinking up.”
— Richard Jeni

Philosopher Peter Carruthers^[1] recently suggested that there is no such thing as conscious thought. I’m beginning to lean that direction myself. Our memories are suspect by any applicable measurement. They are suspect both in accuracy^[2] and existence^[3].^[4] There is a good chance that up to thirty-percent of your memories right now are false. Not false as in incorrect, but rather false as in — never happened. So we have this two-thirds of our memories telling us, ‘it’s all good, we got this,’ and we don’t give the rest much thought afterward.

As a writer, probably just like you, I give certain elements of my stories a level of focus and detailed attention that other aspects may not receive. These aspects are important to me, personally, and likely why I’m writing the story at all — fiction or nonfiction. For me, one of those places — though not so elemental to the message — are the names of my characters. I enjoy that bit. Naming my characters.

I recently named a character ‘Ocean’. I felt the name fit the character. I was particularly happy with this choice. Try saying that name out loud. Humor me. Say ‘Ocean’. It has a full body, doesn’t it? Saying that name opens up the mouth and throat, and reaches down into the lungs to pull the word up like the moon pulls up the tide. Then it ends. Not suddenly or empty, it just stops like the final reach of a wave up on the shore — reach and gone with the hint of a sigh. The meaning is premimorial, to encompass the full expanse of all the seas; or the name of a god. That bit pleased me a great deal. I didn’t learn that part until later in the story when the female character looked up his name, which was like chapter four or something.

We know a lot about Ocean, don’t we? I’ve basically described him completely. But, yes I have. I have named him. And like the ‘naming’ engaged in by the ancient wizards, have called Ocean into existence — in full form and complete. What do we not know? We know Ocean is male. That is obvious I think. He’s tall. Taller than normal. Mature — but could be seriously old. He looks good so we’ll go with ‘mature’. We know he has blue eyes, his hair is white or platinum blonde. And we know he is one of the heroes of the story. No, not because he is beautiful, but because his name is Ocean.

Unfair? How do you think I felt? I have, all of these years, believed that naming was a creative process. Now, it seems that their names were always obvious, and predefined. The sound of their name, it seems, describes the character^[5] — several recent studies have found.

Nomen est Omen, with fiction writers — we choose the name of the characters; the sound of the chosen name describes the character. It is interesting the metaphor language we use for names in light of this — the name ‘fits’, he’ll ‘grow into it’, he ‘looks like a Name.’

Ocean is male because of the ‘O’ vowel which dominates the word and the ‘c’ shissssing away from that big ‘O’. The ‘ean’ which sounds phonetically like ‘end’ maintains that big ‘O’ feel, which in turn offers Ocean the depth in fathoms. That brings in the feel of deep blueness and deep blueness feelings experienced from first names denote ‘good guy’, ‘mature guy’, and if not the MC, ‘important guy’, with damn good looks thrown in as well. Yeah, all that.

The ‘damn good looks’ part was especially crawly-creepy, as Ocean is a cambion, from a Succubus(sex demon).

I just got done going through all of this research last night. The area of study is called psycholinguistics, an annual conference in Europe is called AMLaP(Architectures and Mechanisms of Language Processing). It is an amazing discovery for me, and there has been a great deal of work and publication on this subject. (see further reading below). Further down this rabbit hole is that the data appears to support the premises these clues and facets are cross-cultural — they are true for the languages they’ve tested so far.

Much of the motivation to these studies comes from basically four words: Kiki and Bouba. Ferdinand de Saussure’s influential theory of semiology clearly states in Principle I: “The bond between the signifier and the signified is arbitrary.” Meaning that cat and dog could mean dog and cat. Modern linguistics is built upon this presupposition—that the relationship between the signifier (or sound- image) in a language and the signified, or concept, has no direct, discernible pattern. According to Saussure, these relationships are based solely on convention and collective behavior.

This preliminary assumption of the Saussurean model, however, has been complicated and challenged in a number of ways since the time it was published. And that is where Kiki and Bouba^[6] come in. If I told you that kiki was an object would it be a sharp pointy object or a smooth roundish object? What about bouba? What color is kiki? How does a glass of bouba taste? Most people when asked questions like these say that kiki is pointy, rough, yellow or bright and sour or hot. Bouba is blue-ish, smooth, round, cold and creamy. They are of course terms created for tests like these and others. Other words like ‘Maluma’ and ‘Takete’ are also used.^[7]

Poets and writers, of course, realize that the sounds words make can be used towards expressive means beyond their purely semantic content. The sounds of words can “feel'' sharp or dull, for example; they can give a phenomenological or kinesthetic response. Marketeers and advertisers, those who create names for new products, use this knowledge to great effect, seeking the ways spoken words (and neologisms) can evoke images and elicit an emotional impact. While morphemes— roots, prefixes and suffixes—are generally considered the foundation of meaning, some evidence shows that phoneme sounds, situated at a lower level, can influence meaning subconsciously.

This awareness of these word architectures and the mechanisms underlying our communication opens up a vista of possibilities. If I am understanding all of this (which we know I’m not, not yet), then on some level I’m aware of these considerations as I’m picking one out.

Black and Wilcox (2011) note that writers take informed and careful decisions when attributing names to their characters. Specifically, while care is taken to have names that are easily identifiable and phonologically attractive, or that are important for personal reasons, these are not the only considerations: names are chosen so that they match the personality, the past, and the cultural background of a character.

According to Algeo (2010) behind each namelies a story while Ashley (2003) suggests that a literary name must be treated as a small poem with all the wealth of information that implies. Markey(1982) and Nicolaisen (2008) raised concerns on whether onomastics can be applied to names inart given the different functional roles of names as well as their intrinsic characteristics, namely sensitivity and creativity. ‘Redende namen^[8]’ (significant names) is a widespread theory that seeks the relationship between name and form (Rudnyckyj,1959).

I don’t mind admitting that the comedian Richard Jeni’s complaint about his girlfriend accusing him of complicated plots he’s not mentally capable of thinking up(Platypus Man^[9]) comes to the front of my mind. There is also the old adage of the instructor's lecture noting that the author is using the Blue curtains to emphasize the depression and mourning of the main character as he sits alone in his living-room — followed by the author quoting ‘the curtains are blue because they are blue.’ But I’m also aware that sound is a factor. For my personal taste perhaps not the sound of a particular word but, yes for how the words flow together.

Fabiënne Reedijk appears to be particularly active in this area of study and research. AMLaP 2012 just occurred in September, so that explains the activity level in many respects.

Much of the research is on the rest of our vocabulary, other than names, but it appears from the data that these ‘preferences’ to color, shape and appearance encoding within word sounds are universal, cross-linguistic — it is the same in German, Dutch, Spanish, Russian, Slavic, Egyptian, Arabian, Chinese, Korean, French, etc.

As A Writer

Is this a symptom of becoming aware of how much thought is being pressed into what I thought was direct and simple?

Or is this brushing up against a limiting barrier of conformity guidance and allowance?

Is Life really just a dance after all? Is the Hokey Pokey really what it’s all about?

How much is the reader aware about the continuity of a character’s name and their description?

Is that a usage? What is the sound of a Red-Herring?

Then you spend three hours searching for the remote because they left it in their room again. You're glad they're gone. Now you can get some sleep instead of being up and down all night looking for them because they didn't say anything and you think they're dead or something. Right? Shit sucks. And they steal the remote. Not yelling. Just saying.

Hell, I don't even watch tv. Haven't for twenty years. It's been a few months now. I can't even get the energy up to go all-caps for the tv. Yeah so it starts somewhere around here. Bit nostalgic. You stumble across a cool word: nobodaddy. Bit worked up with no energy to do anything about it. Got the right glasses on. Nobodaddy? Not too bright. Not too dark. Now we can write.

Running Singing Strand Bird On The Shore

I could sit for hours listening to the “bubbling” of the strand-bird; but that’s because I am melancholy. If I weren’t melancholy I’d hardly like it, I think. The tide’s at ebb and the rock-pools are full of water. Beyond is space—the yellow of the sand and the grey of the sky—and the pipe-note “bubbling” between. A strange, yearning sound, like nothing one hears in towns; bringing one into touch with the Infinite, and deep with the melancholy -- the song and my own.

It is not that the day be worse than any other. Heads on necks have their own beats and rhythms which have nothing to do with the day, the year or the hour. Will I ever forgive being who I am? It is my one and lonely success. The truth is, we don't like the Truth. Truth has very few friends, and those are suicides. Bubbling notes and sigh-to-silence the wave reached up on the shore. The pipe-note yearns as it runs along the vanishing foam edge. Then back it runs, having forgotten its watch. Or wallet. One or-error-the-other.

Strange how the bubbling juxtaposes the darkening gray infinity rushing out past the strand bird, past where it runs to toss, now tossing my attention against the absent. Not even abandon is out there.

There is just -- nothing out there. That nothing pulls when looked at too long. The bubbling pipe becomes a keen, then a wail. But if you do not raise your eyes you will think that you are the highest point. That this is all. No allfather. Just Blakes's nobodaddy. Just you and nobodaddy and nothing. Then the wave sighs away, and the strand bird runs and pulls you away.

I hope I'll be a memory.

Yes, I will try to be. Because I believe that not being is arrogant.

When It Feels Right: Emotional Connection

Most of the time I'm exploring the topic of Emotional Connection, it is for writing fiction, and making that connection with the reader -- a connection which will allow the reader to slip into immersion with the story -- what those in Psychology call Narrative Transportation.

I'm caught in both worlds today. I've just completed my novel and in the editing phase, but this novel is being published under my name, not a clients/ghostwritten.

To experience narrative transportation, the audience should experience empathy with the characters. Social psychologists Geoff Kaufman and Lisa Libby argue that when audiences take the perspectives and experiences of the characters in the story they “lose themselves and assume the identity of the character, adopting the character’s thoughts, emotions, goals, traits, and actions and experiencing the narrative as though they were that character.”

As postulated by Green and Brock (2002), imagery indeed seems to play an important role in transportation. Using a more fine-grained measure of perceived imagery ability than in previous research (Green et al., 2008), the present study demonstrated that transportation into a narrative and identification with its protagonist vary across different media depending on recipients’ perceived ability to generate vivid mental imagery.

“Transportation effects work through reducing counterarguing, creating connections (identification and liking) with characters and increasing perceptions of realism and emotional involvement,” say Green and Clark.

Green and Clark provide three ways narrative transportation works to change beliefs:

People perceive less intent to persuade.
People identify with and like the characters and then adopt the beliefs of those characters.
People may remember the events in a story as their own.(In an Aside, below, there is a link to an article on this phenomena of False Memories)

All that means to me is I can go further with the story, and keep my reader with me.

Now let's switch gears and look at what the minds of Copywriting have to say on this subject. They don't call it Narrative Transportation, they call it Emotional Connection/Branding.

The Ten Commandments of Emotional Connection:

i. From Consumers → to People
Emotional branding allows companies to create a relationship with its consumers that is based on mutual respect. This approach would help potential consumers to have a positive attitude towards the product, creating an attraction between the brand and the items being sold without being forced to purchase.

ii. From Product → to Experience
Emotional branding creates an emotional memory between the buyer and the product as a form of connection that goes beyond need. Need is based on price and convenience, buying the product experience has an added value to it which money won’t be able to buy.

iii. From Honesty → to Trust

Emotional branding builds trust. It is one of the fundamental values of a brand which requires genuine effort from the company. This brings total comfort to customers and it gives advantage to the company because the buyers will put their brand as one of their top choices.

iv. From Quality → to Preference
Emotional Branding helps a brand become a consumer’s preference. The quality is an essential factor to stay in business, however achieving preferential status by consumers mean that the product made a real connection with its users.

v. From Notoriety → to Aspiration
Emotional Branding shapes a business to be an aspiration instead of simply being known. Brand awareness creates familiarity with its users but to be attain success, the brand must be able to inspire the user to be desired.

vi. From Identity → to Personality
Emotional Branding teaches a company to build its personality to create a lasting impact on users. Brand personalities form charismatic attitude that would trigger positive emotional response towards the brand.

vii. From Function → to Feel
Emotional Branding makes experience as an important factor in creating brand identity. The product may perform according to its practical function, but emotional branding enables the user to have a deeper emotional experience while using the product.

viii. From Ubiquity → to Presence
Similar with having an experience, emotional branding promotes brand presence as it also creates an impact on potential users, ensuring a permanent connection with people.

ix. From Communication → to Dialogue
Emotional branding encourages to have a conversation with its target audience. It means that there should be a dialogue from the company relayed to the target audience via personal message to share actual experiences with the product.

x. From Service → to Relationship
Emotional branding helps create a special relationship between the brand and its loyal users. Creating a relationship with the consumers is perhaps the most important aspect of emotional branding because the company intends to have a deep connection with its customers and it will create an important bond among its users.
~ As Listed by Marc Gobé

Emotional branding uses the consumer's ability to process messages to promote a significant feeling associated with the brand.The two types of processing that a person can use to comprehend branding are Active Processing, which is learning that happens when deep, attentive processing is being applied, or, Implicit processing, which is when meaning can be processed without awareness. Emotional branding is quite complex, in that a person can interpret a brand image through attentive processing, but once their emotions are provoked, the meaning that they take from the brand image can be implicitly processed, or in other words, subconsciously created.

An example of this could be music playing in a store to create a subconscious mood.

There are multiple techniques for achieving an emotional response to a brand. The first, and perhaps the most complicated method is by attaching the brand to a certain set of ideological values. This works best when the advertiser has done substantial amounts of research on the demographic audience, knowing what values and ideas will trigger an emotional response and connection to the brand. The values can be embedded into the brand through images and language. An example of this would be the family values and essence of childhood and bonding portrayed in Walt Disney World Ads.
Emotional branding uses a series of themes and symbols to create meaning for a consumer. In this sense, "theme" means a concept or story line that is present throughout an ad, and if integrated well-enough, throughout the brand. A "symbol" is representative of the theme. Vance Packard's The Hidden Persuaders suggests that the symbol represents a promise and consumers buy the promise. The text reads, "The cosmetic manufacturers are not selling Lanolin, they are selling hope. We no longer buy oranges, we buy vitality. We do not buy just an auto, we buy prestige."

As suggested in Edward Bernays' The Engineering of Consent, Themes must appeal to human motivations in order to be successful. Motivation lies deep with a person's subconscious desires to achieve or meet certain goals. Bernays suggests that there is an extensive list of factors that drive motivation based on both ideological values and personal experience.

There are a few techniques used with symbolism. The first is making the theme and symbol of a brand continuously publicized. The second technique is making sure that the theme and symbol hold substance and promote a specific idea about the company. The company symbol needs to be adaptable to a changing society while standing firmly as a set of values.

Symbols can represent multiple themes simultaneously, as suggested by Bernays. For example, a kitten can represent both playfulness and comfort. Symbols provide a promise for a sense of fulfillment associated with their brand. Vance Packard highlights the eight hidden needs that consumers have that themes and symbols attempt to sell. The eight needs are as follows:

Emotional security
Reassurance of worth
Ego-gratification
Creative outlets
Love objects
Sense of power
Sense of roots
Immortality

These needs, which are subconsciously emotion-based, serve as a foundation for emotional branding and allow marketers to create a self-fulfilling prophecy when it comes to consumer needs. People want to fulfill these needs, and advertisers promote the need to fulfill these needs in a perpetual cycle.

A second method of emotional branding is making a literal statement about a product and its association to emotion. An example of this can be seen in a 1966 Hamlet Cigar ad that states “Happiness is a cigar called Hamlet.” This associates the brand with a particular emotion in the most literal way possible.

A third method of association to emotion is giving the consumer an emotional reaction to an ad, or in our case it would be a blurb. An example of this in advertising could be calming music playing simultaneously with images of people enjoying the product. This method works best when irrational emotions are evoked. For example, playing somber music with images of people struggling without the product would create an irrational connection to the product by playing on the consumer’s sadness. In one way, the brand creates a positive connotation with itself, in another, the brand creates a negative connotation of life without the product.

It is important to note that emotional branding is something that comes with time and long standing presence. For example, attachment of the specific emotion of “nostalgia” to the Kodak brand of film, “bonding” to the Jim Beam bourbon brand, and “love” to the McDonald’s brand are built over time. Through repetition of these themes and symbols, these brand names have reached brand euphoria, where meaning no longer needs to be created, as enough branding has been done to solidify the brand image.

References

Green, M. C., & Clark, J. L. (2013). Transportation into narrative worlds: implications for entertainment media influences on tobacco use. Addiction, 108(3), 477–484

Kaufman, G. F., & Libby, L. K. (2012). Changing beliefs and behavior through experience-taking. Journal of personality and social psychology, 103(1), 1. Vezzali, L., Stathi, S., Giovannini, D., Capozza, D., & Trifiletti, E. (2015). The greatest magic of Harry Potter: Reducing prejudice. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 45(2), 105–121.

Galinsky, A. D., & Moskowitz, G. B. (2000). Perspective-taking: decreasing stereotype expression, stereotype accessibility, and in-group favoritism. Journal of personality and social psychology, 78(4), 708.

Johnson, D. R., Jasper, D. M., Griffin, S., & Huffman, B. L. (2013). Reading narrative fiction reduces Arab-Muslim prejudice and offers a safe haven from intergroup anxiety. Social Cognition, 31(5), 578–598.

Green, M. C. (2004). Transportation into narrative worlds: The role of prior knowledge and perceived realism. Discourse processes, 38(2), 247–266.

Me of the Sumerians; the Nam Shub of Enki

We never feel just one emotion. Emotions arise in blooms with cohorts. I mean, anger for example. We're never only angry. At first sight it might feel like we are, but another emotion colors the fury. We might also feel hurt, or betrayed, or belittled, or offended, or abused, lied to, or a pollen cloud of other emotions. We're angry for a reason. Emotions do not segregate. Positive and Negative emotions associate freely with each other inside the same causation. I can be in love with the same person I am angry at, or about. I may not wish to be alone, but wish to be left alone. These are not conflicting. They are not at odds. The contrast causes no schism.

We also never have just one thought. We're not thinking a single thought, not ever -- if we did then the heart stops and death comes savagely. But even higher into our conscious awareness, as we speak, we are watching who we are addressing. We are measuring what has been said, against context. We're estimating, inferring, building, extrapolating coda outside our awareness, beyond what we know -- While we are judging our adversary, we also think these other things.

We listen to tones in voices and estimate by what words do to eyes.

So, we are never thinking one thing, and we are never feeling one emotion. We think in matrix and feel in tides. Experience is what you get when those two talk. Beyond thought, beyond awareness, or the memory of either. Experiences are metaphoric collections of living. Not of life, but of _living_.

In concert, experiences are commutable. An experience can be imparted to another, and through empathic transference another can undergo the fission or horripilate originally felt by the author.

A story which transfers knowledge and emotion as experience is a Me (may).

If you read a Me I wrote about how to write a novel, when you were finished you would have the experience of writing one. You will for all intents and purposes, have written one. You'll know and a have felt everything about the process I explained in the story. That was what Me meant. A Me does not only impart academic information but real life experience as well.

THE NAM SHUB OF ENKI

Once upon a time, there was no snake, there was no scorpion,

There was no hyena, there was no lion,

There was no wild dog, no wolf,

There was no fear, no terror,

Man had no rival.

In those days, the land Shubur-Hamazi,

Harmony-tongued Sumer, the great land of the me of prince ship,

Uri, the land having all that is appropriate,

The land Martu, resting in security,

The whole universe, the people well cared for,

To Enlil in one tongue gave speech.

Then the lord defiant, the prince defiant, the king defiant,

Enki, the lord of abundance, whose commands are trustworthy,

The lord of wisdom, who scans the land,

The leader of the gods,

The lord of Eridu, endowed with wisdom,

Changed the speech in their mouths, put contention into it,

Into the speech of man that had been one.

_Translated from ancient Sumerian._

The Dub of meh: Possible Causation of Feeling Down

Feeling Fearful? Bad? Depressed?

Do You Have Low Frequency Protection?

Sound systems and Entertainment Center option on your computer:

I was inside the sound settings on my laptop, now that I have it using the large flat screen - which is outstanding by the way ... five foot screen? Oh, yeah. — and came across the Low Frequency Protection. Not knowing what this was about, I looked into it.

In the Windows 10 settings (new settings, not old control panel), you find it like this:

Sound.
Under "Output", click "Device properties"
Under "Related settings", click "Additional device properties"
In the window that opens, go to the tab "Enhancements"
Check "Low frequency protection"
Click "Settings"

Bass tones, at these low frequencies, are known as Infrasounds.

Infrasounds are an issue around industrial districts where heavy machinery is pounding out parts or stamping out plates or 'thudding' is happening. There are some interesting studies regarding the possibility that infrasound is the at the foundation of Haunted house reports and UFO encounters.

After some follow up research, I discovered a couple of things. First, typically the setting is defaulted for 80 Hz. Second, the default is for protection to be off. Which is fine if you understand what it means, and are down for the experience.

The closer the bass gets to 20 Hz, the more noticeable the effect, but the effect begins at under 50 Hz.

I like bass; I like the vibration. Big fan of Bass and Drum Techno... however, I'm not a big fan of Terror or being Terrorized. And that is the effect of low tone and sub-bass under 50Hz.

You probably won't realize what's going on, and if you have Major Depression, you could — like I have over the years — just passed it off as a 'bad day' ... we get those — or do we? See, I'm not so sure. Because a lot of musicians and movie soundtracks will use those low tones, at 20Hz or 10Hz... you can't hear that or become aware of the tone. You also couldn't figure out where it was coming from if you could hear it... but you feel it... oh yes, you will feel it — pure terror.

Which, of course, is exactly why movie directors and bands use the infrasound bass — for effect. To send a thrill of terror into you. It's all chemical. The vibrations at that frequency cause disruptions and chemical releases you have no control over. It just happens, like a pure tone can shatter glass. Bam!, and it's a bad day.

Again, if you are aware, then it's a roller coaster ride, kind of fun. But if you're not...

... but now you are.

More Information

Setting the Limits on Infrasound
Physiological Effects of Low Frequency Noise
Comparative study of the effects of infrasound and low-frequency sound with those of audible sound on sleep  
Physiological and Psychological Effects of Infrasound on Humans
Why Do Some Sounds Make People Sick?

The Four Basic Styles of Communication

A Reminder before we begin:

I'm a fiction writer. Why I post these is for other writers, and to keep them in a place I can find them easy — because I use these all the time to help develop character personality types and Passive/Aggressive is useful in many ways for secondary characters. I've yet to use it for MCs. It would be an excellent addition for character arch. The trait is easy to recognize as well, adding to the immersion experience for the reader. They come in all shapes and sizes. Some a brilliant but don't believe it. Some are back-stabbing little dweebs who are just trying to get a little closer to your back.

So, have fun and let's get started.

PASSIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals have developed a pattern of avoiding expressing their opinions or feelings, protecting their rights, and identifying and meeting their needs.

Passive communicators will often:

fail to assert for themselves

allow others to deliberately or inadvertently infringe on their rights

fail to express their feelings, needs, or opinions

tend to speak softly or apologetically

exhibit poor eye contact and slumped body posture

The impact of a pattern of passive communication is that these individuals:

often feel anxious because life seems out of their control

often feel depressed because they feel stuck and hopeless

often feel resentful (but are unaware of it) because their needs are not being met

often feel confused because they ignore their own feelings

A passive communicator will say, believe, or behave like:

“I’m unable to stand up for my rights.”

“I don’t know what my rights are.”

“I get stepped on by everyone."

“I’m weak and unable to take care of myself.”

“People never consider my feelings.”

2. AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION

AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals express their feelings and opinions and advocate for their needs in a way that violates the rights of others. Thus, aggressive communicators are verbally and/or physically abusive.

Aggressive communicators will often:

try to dominate others
use humiliation to control others
criticize, blame, or attack others
be very impulsive
have low frustration tolerance
speak in a loud, demanding, and overbearing voice
act threateningly and rudely
not listen well
interrupt frequently
use “you” statements
have an overbearing or intimidating posture

The impact of a pattern of aggressive communication is that these individuals:

become alienated from others
alienate others
generate fear and hatred in others
always blame others instead of owning their issues, and thus are unable to mature

The aggressive communicator will say, believe, or behave like:

“I’m superior and right and you’re inferior and wrong.”
“I’m loud, bossy and pushy.”
“I can dominate and intimidate you.”
“I can violate your rights.”
“I’ll get my way no matter what.”
“You’re not worth anything.”
“It’s all your fault.”
“I react instantly.”
“I’m entitled.”*
“You owe me.”
“I own you.”

3. PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals appear passive on the surface but are really acting out anger in a subtle, indirect, or behind-the-scenes way. People who develop a pattern of passive-aggressive communication usually feel powerless, stuck, and resentful – in other words, they feel incapable of dealing directly with the object of their resentments. Instead, they express their anger by subtly undermining the object (real or imagined) of their resentments.

Passive-Aggressive communicators will often:

mutter to themselves rather than confront the person or issue

have difficulty acknowledging their anger

use facial expressions that don't match how they feel - i.e., smiling when angry

use sarcasm

deny there is a problem

appear cooperative while purposely doing things to annoy and disrupt

use subtle sabotage to get even

The impact of a pattern of passive-aggressive communication is that these individuals:

become alienated from those around them

remain stuck in a position of powerlessness (like POWs)

discharge resentment while real issues are never addressed so they can't mature

The passive-aggressive communicator will say, believe, or behave like:

“I’m weak and resentful, so I sabotage, frustrate, and disrupt.”

“I’m powerless to deal with you head on so I must use guerilla warfare.”

“I will appear cooperative but I’m not.”

4. ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION

ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals clearly state their opinions and feelings, and firmly advocate for their rights and needs without violating the rights of others. These individuals value themselves, their time, and their emotional, spiritual, and physical needs and are strong advocates for themselves while being very respectful of the rights of others.

Assertive communicators will:

state needs and wants clearly, appropriately, and respectfully
express feelings clearly, appropriately, and respectfully
use “I” statements
communicate respect for others
listen well without interrupting
feel in control of self
have good eye contact
speak in a calm and clear tone of voice
have a relaxed body posture
feel connected to others
feel competent and in control
not allow others to abuse or manipulate them
stand up for their rights

The impact of a pattern of assertive communication is that these individuals:

feel connected to others
feel in control of their lives
are able to mature because they address issues and problems as they arise
create a respectful environment for others to grow and mature

The assertive communicator will say, believe, or behave in a way that says:

“We are equally entitled to express ourselves respectfully to one another.”
“I am confident about who I am.”
“I realize I have choices in my life and I consider my options.”
“I speak clearly, honestly, and to the point.”
“I can’t control others but I can control myself.”
“I place a high priority on having my rights respected.”
“I am responsible for getting my needs met in a respectful manner.”
“I respect the rights of others.”
“Nobody owes me anything unless they’ve agreed to give it to me.”
“I’m 100% responsible for my own happiness.”

NeuroRomancer